Wednesday, April 27, 2011
How to Make More Friends & Do More Business
I got this email today from "Success Guru" Eben Pegen (if you DON"T know him, Google him).
He is one of the top marketers & entrepreneurs on the planet.
IF you think about it, Connections, Networking and Building Relationships is THE #1 thing to do in life and business.
Think about it, how do most people get jobs & more business or relationships? referrals & inside connections from FRIENDS.
Here is what his newsletter said about getting, building & keeping substantial relationships, here it is from Eben:
">>>NOTE: If you're interested in getting an advanced education in how to connect to influential and successful people in the business world, read this article:
Last night, I was teaching a session for our "Self-Made Wealth" program, and I shared a 5-step formula that I've discovered for making deep friendships fast.
I thought I'd take a minute and share it with you, since it's so powerful. This formula has allowed me to make friends with some of the most interesting, successful and even famous people - and it can work for you as well.
If you can master this simple 5-step system, I really believe that it can help you get access to, connect with and make friends with almost anyone you want.
And it can help you make friends FAST.
So What Make Me Believe That There's A "Formula For Making Friends?
And why hasn't anyone discovered this before?
Well, it turns out that we humans do the things that we do, for the most part, very predictably.
What I mean is that we go through predictable steps when interacting with other people.
You've probably heard of anthropologists, who go out and study people "objectively" - and sort of watch them to see "how they behave in the wild."
What they discovered is that when people are meeting each other - whether it's in a business setting, a romantic setting or a "just friends" setting, they do certain things in a certain order.
For example, when two people meet each other for the first time, you might not realize it, but most of the first 30 seconds is about unconsciously figuring out who is going to be "in control" of the relationship.
I know that this doesn't sound very "enlightened" - but if you start noticing, you'll see that it's true.
And it doesn't matter who it is, how they're meeting, or where they're meeting.
Everything from who makes eye contact first, who smiles first, to who disagrees first - it's all part of the sub-conscious "inner animal" dance.
Now, when most people hear something like this, they say "well, I don't do that." Or they think that others who do this are somehow "unevolved."
NEWS FLASH: WE ALL DO IT.
You can't control it, and neither can I. It just happens, and it's going to keep happening.
Now, with that said, just because we humans have a bunch of pre-programmed "routines" that we go through when we meet each other does not mean that we have to go through them blindly.
In fact, I've discovered that the more aware we become of these routines - and the more conscious we become of how to use them productively, the more success we can have in business, with our personal relationships and with life in general.
How To Use The "Friendship Formula" For Success Connecting To Influential & Successful People...
Several years ago, I realized that making friends is one of the fundamental "common denominators" of all large-scale success in the world.
If you want people to like you, trust you, be influenced by you - and work with you in business effectively - then you must connect with them, bond with them, and build TRUST.
In other words, you must make friends with them.
After realizing that creating friendship is the "common denominator" of success, I went to research - and find out if anyone had "mapped" this process.
It seemed that, if making friends was such a key part of success, that there would be many books on the topic that were available.
I was WRONG.
In fact, I found almost nothing written about the process of how to simply make friends.
There were no "mainstream" books that explained the formula - or how it worked.
And, maybe more importantly, there were no books or programs created specifically for business success that explained how it worked on a psychological level.
But I persisted.
Eventually, by studying the work of many different experts on everything from psychology to anthropology to business networking, I found a PATTERN.
And after putting the pattern together into a system, I was able to use the system to build an amazing network of friendships, business contacts and professional relationships - which has made a huge difference in my own success.
The 5-Step "Friendship Formula" Explained...
Here's the 5-Step Friendship Formula, with an explanation of each of the steps in the process.
1) Connect on something substantial that you have in common with the other person
2) Disclose something valuable or personal to deepen the relationship
3) Give-give-give, get... Give-give-give, get... build the dialog of lasting friendship
4) Balance the needs of the individuals and the friendship to deepen the relationship
5) Create a unique shared space within a group - and then ultimately create the group yourself
>STEP 1: Connect on something substantial that you have in common with the other person.
At the beginning of a relationship, it's critical to remember that you and the other person are really living in different realities.
Even though it seems like we are all "here together" in the same world, we're really on completely different channels - or pages.
I like to imagine that there's a transparent movie screen between me and the other person I'm meeting, and that we're each projecting a completely different movie on that screen.
Even though it looks like there's no difference, there's A HUGE DIFFERENCE in how we're seeing the world and each other.
This is why it's so important, in those first critical moments, to connect - to open up a common reality - with the other person.
And this is why it's important to make sure that the thing we're connecting on is substantial.
In other words, it's something that's important to both of us.
If I say "nice weather we're having, huh?" - that's not a substantial way to connect. Because it's what everyone says - and it's not related to something I have a deep interest in.
On the other hand, let's say that the person you're about to meet has an interest in old cars - and that they like to restore old cars as their hobby.
If you begin the conversation by asking them about the car that they're restoring, and telling them about your experience with cars, you'll have something meaningful to connect about.
Now, you might ask: "What does fixing up old cars have to do with getting someone to help me in business?"
And my answer would be: EVERYTHING.
I have a friend that decided that he wanted to meet more powerful and influential people, so he took up golf as a hobby.
And guess what? He met tons of powerful executives, and was invited out on the golf course by successful people constantly.
Humans are interesting creatures. When we become interested in something personally it becomes more than just "a hobby." It becomes a passion.
And when others talk to us about the things that we are passionate about, we like them and are interested in them.
So connect on something substantial. Start the conversation with something you know is personally meaningful to the other.
You can get to a level of interest and comfort that would otherwise take many hours to reach.
>STEP 2: Disclose something valuable or personal to deepen the relationship.
If you think about your closest relationships, you'll realize that the relationship deepened as each of you shared more "secrets."
That's the way it works.
We trust people more when they reveal their secrets to us.
Now, the secrets you reveal can be valuable information, or insights you've had about life - or they can be embarrassing stories or life experiences.
The key is that you must disclose something that is valuable or personal if you want to deepen the relationship.
>STEP 3: Give-give-give, get... Give-give-give, get... build the dialog of lasting friendship.
Most people who are trying to reach or connect with successful, powerful, influential people have a certain "smell" to them.
You can sense that they're trying to GET something from the person they're trying to reach.
You know what I mean - when someone approaches you, but you can tell that they want something.
This instantly brings up your guard, and makes you suspicious of them.
Well, you don't want to come across as wanting something. You don't want to come across as selfish.
So it's important to adopt a different mindset when you're going out to meet and make friends with successful people.
You must go out with the mindset that you're going to add value to them and their lives, and you're going to make the big investment first in the relationship.
That's why I say "Give-give-give... get."
You want to be giving three times for every time that you get something.
If you follow this as your mantra, you'll find that others will be much more interested in you.
I've had relationships that I've "given" to for years and years before I every asked for something in return.
And guess what? The rewards have been beyond my wildest dreams.
>STEP 4: Balance the needs of the individuals and the friendship to deepen the relationship.
When you begin a friendship between you and another person, it's actually like being in a relationship with THREE people.
There's you, there's the other person, and then there's the relationship itself.
When two or more people get together, they form a little "eco-system" or culture that's unique to that group of people.
There are certain words, phrases, jokes and references that become the "language" of the friendship or the community.
And what's interesting (to me, anyway) is that the more the relationship grows, the more the individuals feel a pull to "conform" to the "culture" that's formed.
At some point, you begin to feel tension.
You start feeling pulled between what YOU want and what the GROUP wants.
Have you ever been out with a group of friends, and you decided to go home, but everyone in the group started saying "no, you can't go - stay with us!"...?
Of course, that's what groups do.
They pull you into the group.
And here's the paradox: For a friendship to thrive in the long-term, you must balance the needs of the friendship with the needs of the individuals.
Make sure you don't get "sucked up" by the friendship.
Make sure you balance your needs, your desires and your interests - but also meet the needs of the friendship.
By balancing both, and being aware of the pull to do both, you'll create a much stronger relationship.
>STEP 5: Create a unique shared space within a group - and then ultimately create the group yourself.
Let's say that you make friends with someone at a business seminar.
You're in the middle of hundreds of people, and you meet that person you've wanted to meet for a long time.
As soon as you've connected with the other person, it's important to create a little "us" feeling within the group.
Maybe the two of you are both passionate about a particular sport. You can make a joke that the others in the bigger group don't look like the "sports type."
In other words, you're creating an "inside joke" between you and the other person.
This is very powerful. It has a bonding effect, because now it's "you and me" in a big group of "them."
And ultimately, to take this to its most powerful level, you should be the one to create the group in the first place - by starting to hold social and networking meetings with interesting and powerful people.
That way, you can do all of these steps very quickly and efficiently with many people... quickly.
If you use this "Friendship Formula" as the TEMPLATE for all of your business relationships from now on, you will find that you can accelerate and deepen your relationships much faster - and you can connect with people that you didn't think it was possible to reach.
If you've been reading this and thinking to yourself:
"Wow, I really need to learn and master connecting with others - because I get how important this is going to be for my long-term business and financial success..."
For more info about making connections, networking, read How To Win Friends & Influence PEople" by Dale Carneigie.
Classic book with priceless & timeless info,
Your Friend on The Inside,